marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
