As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize