So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
