This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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