I think scott just propositioned me for sex
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
