summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
