i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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