well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am midnight drunk by noon
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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