Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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