Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
