This dress was meant to end up on your floor
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
