Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
