I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
