dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
