so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
