I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She's the barista slut.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
