Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
