Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
