when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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