We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
