maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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