dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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