Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
