he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
