i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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