She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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