Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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