it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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