Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
