Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Boobs speak an international language.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
