I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
