This dress was meant to end up on your floor
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
