Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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