worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
