I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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