i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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