dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
