I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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