genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
