just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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