yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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