I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
