good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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