I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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