yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just found puke in my bra..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
