Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
