he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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