You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
