I love black thongs
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
