im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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