she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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