I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
