this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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