what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
