I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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