well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
