i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
