I faked an abortion last night.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
