my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
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If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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