look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
