You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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