so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
