The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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