do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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