Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
