I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
