I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize