You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
