it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
