just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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