upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
